weekends are coming >.<" Eeeekkk!!!

wel usualli i would be looking forward for the weekends...but tmr....is saturday...AnDdd.. i have to talk to thingyyy* lol..and i need to yer...bleh talk to him....and im scarded and confuzsled..>.<" blEH*
hehe sigh....
wel im in class right now...and it is daymn cold and boring..!! it better not rain tmr as i am planning to wear a skirt! hahaha ^-^ sigh
im still sick...it sukx...i cant sleep at night..coz im thinkn of sumone..and i alwasie wake up randomly and coughhh...aloT..and blEh *dieded* haha o_O

english essay today...>.<" bleh how gayy!! i duno wut im gona rite....last night i was too tired to think..wel..hrm mai head was filled wit other crap and so i couldnt think newaii...>.<~~sigh been stressing too much lately...imma be an old woman sooon!!! LMFAO..eek!
lala..
o yer..happy 15th birthday to belza fo yestrday!!! hehe ^-^ hope all ur wishes and dreams come tru! hehe
and thankz for everything !! lol..><
newasie i better go..i duno wut to rite atm..........
sigh weekends...u all hav funn!!!! ^_^ *keep smilings*
love, baybi^dreamer hehe

waiting/lost/confused/sigh..

wel first of all..iwl give ya the happy news....
today is JEnnie's 16ht birthday!! ^-^ HAPPY sWEEET 16TH jenJEn^^
haha okok...hrm
wel now hte depressing boring all news..that im sure everyone is probably sick and tired of listening to ...
wel i cant help it ok..it been bothering me for some time now..and i need to let it out...some way or another...so if u dun wana listen close this window!! lol...>.<" hrm newasie, i feel ....like within me..ther is something missing..?! o_O^^ ther is a deeeep, dark, empty hole that i hav fallen into and im lost....there is no wher to hold on to and nothing to lead me ...>.<" im pretty much juz aimlessly wandering around this stoopid hole..waitng for an answer....a sign...somethink to show me wher to turn!! my emotions and feelings are floating around this hole and mai head.... it doesnt fit together...everything is juz mixed up and confused..... im lost....and i duno wher to turn!! im stuk at one point where i need to decide wher to turn...but i cant do it on my own..and i need to kno how...this one...one certain person....feels for me....><" i need to kno how he feels and if he cares still......... iv been gettn soo much counselling wit mai fwens..haha they telln me wut to do, givn me advise..and most of all listening and putting up wit mai crap!! i kno it been v boring and most of u are sick of it alreadi..pFt u kno hu u are..biatchh!! ahAHa =Pp soo insensitive! rofl...it kOol* hrm wel...i wana say thank u to all of u hu been listening to me....and thankz fo the counselling..!!! u kno hu u are! hehe ^_^ i tink u need to counsell mai bF haha and make a boook!! lol =P yer newasie...hrmm right now im hanging onto nothing coz i got no lead to which way imma fall.....in or out... of...love?..lust? ..i duno wut im feeling...>.<" they say u need time to make a relationship work..so ..im waiting..and i would reali want it to work.....but i need a sign......and maybe..hrm time will make things work out..coz it hard to find that feeling..of love!? altho i hav never felt it bfo...it sounds like one of the besest feeelings inda world..but then one moment u mai feel on the top of the worlD...and then the next u feel like nothing...at the bottom~~sunken like an anchor?! *desciptive words* lol..>.<" yer my heart...it hurts......it feels heavy......like it is drowned in my tears....=/ ther been too much pain involved in loving....and it hurts deep inside.... everytime it beats...i feel the slow...painful thumpz...... they are heavy and everything feels lost and empty... breathing in.....into that deep dark hole.....it feels like it can go on forever.....down and down.......down to somewher..? i duno wher.....it juz a long fall.......to something that the future holds... bleh i duno wut im talkn abt now...>.<" im reali lost...
aiyah...
waiting.............

one month...................

today b me and mai boiz one month!! >.<"
it seeems like soo much longer tho...i dunoo whuy?...
hrm wel it been a very bumpy ride ..wit the emotions flying constantly...but i must say that it has been a great experience..being wanted by someone else....that i havnt felt...in ages..maybe even forever!? o_O
i wana say thank u fo everything that u hav given me this month!! altho it still short and our realtionship has onli juz began...it has felt like i have been wit u for a very very long time....
ur a great guy and ...sometimes i cant believe that this is happening to me....
i never get the ones that i like, and so having u as my own.....wow that was a shock to me!! a suprise that someone like yu would be interested in a girl like me....>><"
wel im thankful to hav u in mai life..even if it may be for onli a short period in time...it was fun while it lsated and hope that the fun and good times will continue...
u mean alot to me and u brought in a light into mai life, brighting up mai boring and rejectful life..lol..
thank u..!!
luv u bbyz......

speEchleSs..

i LOsT my voice...>.<" blEH* sigh im at school atm and im sick and i cant talk properly....and im listenin to peaches and cream!! lol ^-^ hrmmm... im still waiting...........he hasnt sed netink yet...hez acting as if nothing has happened....and it is killing me..!! i reali wana knooo...i reali NEED to kno!! this song...by human nature..is kinda how i am feeling right now..><

HUMAN NATURE LYRICS---When You Say You Love Me

I've been watching you from afar
And the way you make your way round the bar
You laugh like you're really entertained
And you smile like it's your favourite game
Now you move in closer to me

And our eyes are connected emotionally
Not lookin' for a one night stand
Or a place for a broken heart to mend
I know everybody here wants to hold you
I know what it's like 'cause I feel the same
When you look in my eyes
There's a part of me that's still afraid

[chorus]
When you say you love me - do you mean it?
Baby when you hold me do you feel it?
Should I believe the magic in your eyes?
I'll be waiting till the end of time
To hear you say you love me like you mean it
Baby when you hold me, make me feel it
All I wanna do is make you mine
I been hurt way too many times
They say if you wanna make god laugh

Then all you gotta do is tell him your plans
I know that the timings not right
Didn't know I would meet you tonight
It's not that I don't really like the attention

Cause I feel like the only man in the room
Are you really sincere?
Is it just something that you do?

[chorus]

Again and again and again
I've been hurt my friend to the end
Though I high I been low I got no place left to go
Again and again and again when will this searching end

[chorus]

......siiighhh~~~bleh*
+saranghae+ sighh i onli can wait and see how he feels for me.... our one month is tmr...and siigh i dun tink he rmbrs...>< sigh...i reali like himm v much and .......
bleh im soo confused..wit the silence that he is givn to me......
i want an answer.....bt now im afraid...of the result....and how he reali feels....
rejection is one thing that i have been putting up wit for most of my life and sigh i guess i needa prepare myself fo the worste coz as they all say.... all good things come to an end...
and now i wait .....i got nothing to do..iv done my part, iv told him how i feel...and now it all up to himm....
i luv u boi........ w a i t i n g ....sigh*
..............

semi..freedom..ended...

sigh~wel..mai freedom has ended..last night at abt..11pm..parents came home from their one week trip in sydney...but now i get proper dinner~ rofl..i havnt eaten dinner for 2 days coz i cbfd..lol =Pp sighh..im not layzeeee haha..juz not hungryy...LOL till like hrmmmmm 3am inda morning..lol sigh o wells...
hrmmz..
wel yestday was boring assSss...imma get in troubl fo a dodgy weekend too...o.O sigh...i got snobbed soooo badd by...everyone..nearli...sighh
it was a very long and eventful dayy..v daymn boring and complicated...=/ i alreadi tolda bt 4 ppl then i gave up coz it too much to talk abt...and it juz makes me even saderrr...
yarh~~~hrm this morning i also confronted my someone speshial..and told him how i felt for him.....now im juz waiting for a reply.......>.<" and i been waiting for sooo long........and i juz wana knoooo how he feelz...but in some ways i dont...coz im scarded of the result..and wut he reali feels...wut if it is oPposite to how i feel? sigh........
i dunooooooo ..i cant do anything abt it..im juz left here waiting for him to reply....maybe he needs time? but then maybe...he dun wana answer coz...he dun feeeel the same? sighh i dunnoooo!! im gettn confused agenn...
BLEH*
aiyahh this whole love thing is annoying...luv/lust* bleh...
hrm welllllll....one thing good happend today and that be.....
mai big`lil bRo!!..COnGratzzz joElee...^-^ i welCom the new sisTer in laW hehe =Pp hehe wel good luk boizzzz!! u two are soo cuTee..^-^
newasie...i better gO...........take cares alll..........huGglEzx*

ReSt in pEacE miTchEll..miSsin yaZz

Hrm last period today the school had a memorial for liddle mitchell~ they tried to make it a happy thing and tried to make us smile by reminding us of all the happy times mitchell had brought to us….. ^-^ it workd….for a while..but then they put on that powerpoint presentation…..and that song….worlds greatest-r.kelly* >.< and siigh~~
Little mitch was soo cute and he was soo happy.. sometimes wen I tink abt it..i still cant believe that he is gone and that he did this to himself.. he was alwaise cheerful and made us all laugh~the class clown* ^-^ eventho he annoyed all the teachers, everyone still loved him! But now he is gone……….and it hard to believe….
He was a great kid… although I wasn’t that close wit him this year… it still made a impact on me…. And I guess it did for many other people..coz he was our schoolmate, or class mate and or fwen and eventho we went that close wit him it impacted on us al a lot…><
Sigh… im going to miss him a lot… he was sucha nice boi and he made our maths classes so much fun and cheery! He would alwasie tell his jokes and make random sounds in the middle of class..=Pp~ he amused us all and kept us happy~~
The classroom was never quiet wen he was around…^_^ sigh*
Life is soo short and unpredictable…. We would usualli imagine that the people who dies are old and sick…. Nowun ever expected him to go since he was onli 16 and still young and active! …he was a very good pretender !! >.< keeping all the hurt inside of him and covering it up very very well..coz nowun suspected o.O~ sigh*
It makes us all appreciate the life that we live now and that we must make the most of what we have… >.<” we shouldn’t take wut we hav forgranted and live life to the fullest!?..
Sigh.. fwens are also v important in life and we must remind ourselves that they are there for us and we can alwasie talk to them abt our problems instead of keeping them inside of us and leaving it ther to trouble us….>.< it best to let things out…express how u feel..coz u onli got once chance…o.O~
BlEH! Sighh…hrmm I got a headache…lol..>.<~
Wen I get “hello” back iwl d/L a pic of our liddle mitch! ^_^ eheh
*rest in peace mitch* ~~hope that u are in a better place now!!
I guess it was ur way of leavin all ur troubles behind… and finding the easy way out….
…it comes to show that we duno wut tmr is going to bring and we must alwaise tell our fwens and family how much they mean to us…coz u never know wut might happen tmr..it may be the last tyme that u lay eyes on that person u love…the last time u say goodbye… the last time u see their face ~~ >.<
it is a cruel world out ther *rofl* and so rember that ur fwens are alwasie there for u and that someone out ther loves u and will be ther to lend a helping hand or a ear to listen to ur problems.. ^_^
*alwasie smile bcoz someone out there loves ur smile, and while thinkn of u sighs and says life is worth while … ^^*
luv yaz………..xoxox

Rest in Peace mitchell. Tuesday 10/august/2004

one week has past since the lost of our liddle mitchell.
we wer told of the news at school on wednesday afternoon...><><><>.<>.<>.<>< ... newasie, the lsat week hav been..terrible... soo much hab happend lately and i havnt been abl to think properly.... ther was mitchell..and my fav lil cousin....who i learnt is sick and hav been in hospital for the past 2 weeks..><>.< siighh....
then ther is...boyz..hahah
bois bois bois** they confuse the fuk outa me...
lol..wel i gtg...end of class.......................
RiP miTch~~~

+ r e j e c t e d +

wel today i felt like shiet....sigh! the past few days have been the most boring days in mai life!! lmao...ok..maybe not that bad..but i juz feel like shiet!!!....=(
sometimes it feels as if nowun cares abt me...im sure everyone goes thru these days...siighh....
even mai family has been makn me feel left out....>.<>...
today i juz been annoyed wit emz all..coz they all ..annoying me! lol.. [o.O]~~
i oso been confused abt ...things... basically wut has been running thru mai head this pass few hours ish....... wo hen xi huan ni...ke si.. ni ye ai wo ma?? wo bu zi tao wo zuo se me.... i reali reali wuna kno..>.< coz im confused..coz u dun show it..and blEHH!!...sighh!!
im juz reali confused inside and duno wut to do??...i kno iwl hav to find out how he feels coz it gona be harder to let go later.....=/...yer!!? hehe...bleh!! but im afraid of the answer...coz nowun likes rejection....*duhHH* lmao.....im afraid that if i ask the answer is no......but i reali like him and im falling deeper...so i reali wish that wont be the answerr..lol if onli he knew and i didnt hav to ask coz he would show that he reali cared....but bleh..but the looks of things atm..hrmm i duno!??? aiyahh.........i wuna hug!! haha

grave of the fireflies...

hehe yesterday arvo i watchd the jap anime, grave of the fireflies..omgosh it was soo cute !! haha..if u havnt watchd it bfo then go..it pwedii nice stowii..^_^
it was set in war times..ww2 i tink...hehe and it abt a boi and his family! he is the oldest brother and he ends up looking after his liddle sister bcoz his mother dies in an air raid..~~they are left wit their auntie who ends up being a major snob to them and they eventually leave her house and make their own place at one of the bomb shelters...>.<..the title of the movie comes to play aroun this time ..coz the liddle setsuko ish afraid of the dark and her bro, seita (i tink..cant rmber..lol) goes and catches some fireflies to light up their sleeping area...but in the morning they find that they all dieded, and liddle setsuko digs a hole and burries em...like a grave! haha ..of fireflies..lmao..WOW* haha yarhh..hrm the boi, seita..he ends up being all alone bcoz he learns that his father has also died fightin in the war..soBs* so he is left alone and eventually gives up hope on living and dies...>.< soBs* it was a pwedi touching show...=/ siGhHH..the liddle setsuko was sooo cute i tell u..hahah at first i thought that she was a liddle boi..ahaha =Pp.....
newaise today was a long ..and fukn tiring dayy....out fron 11am to 11pm...12 hrs straight!!! and still up now...blEHh!! i tink imma pass soOn, coz it ish sooo fuking BORING!~~~~wHer is everyoNe??? siiiGhh...
today was kinda ...BorinG..haha wel, hrm eva's bday..today as in the 8/8...^^hehe so HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U! hehe..hrmm we went out to city today ...went to take a dreamfoto which loOkd..errr...EWW hahah >.< seriousLY!! lol...hrm me and cwissy toook one too and oMFg ..Yuk once ageN!! sighh...hrmm...
today i got snobbd by my bF! wuTta biatCH!...siGh....i dunooooooo blEH! *dreamer*...>.<
everything was quite weird today...ppl acting weird and shiet...[o.O] siGH! wut going on wit the world? haha o yer, mai ...er...ex`gor ignord me today too..bleh! it made me angryy..so did A...=/ blEH! today was juz one fukd up day..and i felt like sleeping..hahah [zzzz]...
newaise after city we went bak to eva's house, wher we ate alot of pizza...MmmMmMmm [5 pieces] LOL.. im not fat! hahah >.<......and we watChd dane coOoks..i tink his name ish dane..or wasit daniel or david? dane i tink....=/hrmm haha..wel he was daymn cute..and fuNni and has nice armss!! Lol..v enjoyable to watCHH!! ^^
we oso watchd a bit of black knight coz it was on showtime..and then a bit of just married...>.< and oso start of some random show...duno wut it called....^^ hheHee..
yarHh..and now im lying here in bed and mai left arm ish dead..coz im using it as support fo mai body..! lmao.. it hard to explain mai pos. atm! hahah =Pp...im soo tired..and soo boredd....
the bordem ish putting me to sleep!!! seriouslYY!!! aiyahh..i wuna do sumtink right now..or talk to someone.. onda fone or in person!! haha right noww!!! blEH!! sigh...sobS* blEh*...o.O
ok goooodmorning all...

my sassy girL..^^

hewoz all...
today we finished school at 1.15 coz there was parent meetings today..>.<>.< haha ="/" haha ="P..if">.< hrm iwl juz learn random words haha ..heheh yer..
aiyah shiet i gtg soon or else iwl get caught using the internet..sigh!! ...hrmm
okok i go now..haha biabai

walking thru the rain...aww lol wit the boi of ur dreams holding u by ur side..aww

haha wel, hrm u all prob wtf my blog title? hah wel..me watchn a korean love story on sbs..haha it was pweddi kewt and romantic at one stage..the chic and the guy wer standin in the rain and they wer telln each other that they liked each other and stuff and promised each other that no matter wut happens they will alwaize be ther fo one another..haha that lovey doveyy stuFfs...>.< aWww...
but then the dude says the most random and straight forward thing ever, tat ruined the whole romantic scene!! siGH.ahah but it was fuNni..he sed......*qUietS*paTter or raIndrOpZ*....maN: i want to sleep wit u!
LMAo haha and she like.....*lOoks at mAn*....giRl: i want to sleep wit u toO!!..lol..*hiPhiP hOoorAy* waLKs ofFf together hanD in haND unDer a brOken umbRella..inda raiN* ..loL..aWww wuTta nice lOVE stoRY!! haha
nah it not finished yet..buT yer lol...it is a hel random but..interesting stowii..keke im watchn it now..=P
hrmm WIERDOOOOoo shoW! hahah abt gAy lovers too! lol..aWW feel sowee fo the gals in the relationship coz they got dumped fo a maN!! aiyahh...soBSss* haha..
hmz wel i been writn this for one hour liao and it full of random shiet!! keke..>.<
hrmm..events of today: went to school and was supposed to do mai econs talk but missed out by one persoN! yay! haha =P..hrm nothing much happend today except ther was trouble in paradise for two fwens of mine..=(
hrm talkd to one side of the story but the other one not talkn to me..>.<>.< siigh!
yer wel the movie is nearli endeD....hRmmmm time to sign oFf fo tonightsz!! *huGglEs*
-gOodmornings alL- **bayBi dReamEr**